For my friend

35 months A.D.

The irony.

 

Last week I post ‘5 things to say to somebody with cancer’.
Yesterday, I learned that one of the amazing ladies in my support group has a recurrence. She’s going to receive treatment again – the full package. Chemo. Radiation. Immune. Hormone.

 

And I’m lost for words.

 

 

This is the nightmare right here.

Expecting you’ve had your share. Thinking you are moving forward.
Trying to figure out who you are after this intense & unasked sabbatical.
Deciding to go back to school, find a new hobby, look ahead.

To instead see that dreadful rollercoaster in front of you, not wanting to take another ride.
Knowing you have to.
Quite literally, your life depends on it.

Finding yourself back in the familiar surroundings of the hospital.

 

The fear of recurrence is real.

You learn to live with it, to face it and sit with it when it comes up.
To not let it consume all of your being.
But somewhere, deep inside, a tiny little voice remains:

 

“beware, because one day, I’m popping out to surprise you”

 

Like a freaking jack in the box.

And we all know, clowns ain’t funny.

 

My friend is shocked, sad and strong at the same time. Focused on her family, as always, and positive minded.

I, on the other hand, want to destroy something. My stomach aches. I feel like vomiting, screaming, crying.
Instead, I took a moment to write and will go for a walk. Because that helps. Usually.

 

Today isn’t about me though.
It’s about the beautiful, lovely, kind, funny and gentle F.

So, dear, if you are reading this, I’m taking my own advice to tell you 5 things:

– hello

– how are you today?

– this sucks

– thank you for keeping us updated

– I did not ‘want it that way’.

 

Buckle up, honey ♡

We’re with you.

 

 

Encouraging words for my friend are appreciated. Thanks so much in advance! 

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